2006-11-18
Oh yeah... snoozing at 42000 feet
Well, it seems that I�ve managed to get an upgrade, thank god.
I dreaded the thought of spending 8 hours crammed into a coach seat with my row partner flowing over into my scant personal space. Not that whoever is sitting next to me generally tries to take my space (I have well-proven methods of regaining said space when that does happen)� but I never, ever get the cute 105 pound lithe little thing sitting next to me � at best, I get the 105 pound elderly gent who quickly goes to sleep (as 87 year olds are wont to do) and then leans over on my shoulder to snooze soundly while I politely ignore his murmurs of �Oh Sophie��. At worst, I get the person who simply doesn�t fit into a single seat and is suffering even more than I. At such times, I simply hope and pray that they have something interesting to talk about other than the fact that they are miserable under such circumstances (because, after all� sleeping or even working for either of us is totally out of the question, as neither of us can so much as move our elbows without leaning forward). And as luck (and a whole lot of miles with this airline) would have it� I don�t have to bear that cross this trip.
For better or for worse, I�ve managed to get my laptop down and start writing before I�ve imbibed so much wine that I too am sleeping and whispering �Oh [name goes here� you know who you are]� to my row mate. At least when I do end up going there (and I will before this 8 hour flight is over, I promise you that), there is a good 6 inches between seats up here. Maybe he�ll politely ignore me as I to the old gents back in steerage.
Lets see� I�ll describe my flight up till now to give you a flavor of what I�m having to endure. Yes, I am saying that tongue-in-cheek� and yes, I�m gloating in the fact that even though this is a �low-cost airline� and other airlines I�m sure do a much better job at 1st class (this is probably closer to business class, but with upgraded seats), it�s still pretty damn nice.
Boarded the plane and instead of being told �to the right� as � oh, 250+ passengers were told to do, I was told �to the left� along with about 20 others.
Sat and had my jacket hung up. Had a glass of champagne before departing. Had a glass of OJ before departing. Had a hot towel to clean up with first thing after taking off. Had a linen tablecloth (ok, it�s a napkin� but it covers your flip-out table, so allow me the liberty to call it a tablecloth, ok?) placed. At present, working on the 1st of � oh, 3 or 7 glasses of merlot. And the best so far? I get to eat the mixed nuts out of a ceramic dish instead of wrestling with a foil pouch (and often losing, spraying nuts and caramelized sesame-based cracker thingies all over creation as well as the 87 year old gent asleep on my shoulder).
A break�
And a return. The break was lunch being served. A lackluster antipasto, followed by an equally lackluster spinach ravioli. Another glass of merlot (in case you�re counting), and cup of coffee (ok, I got a bit ahead of myself there� still hoping for the coffee).
And for those of you who I haven�t totally put to sleep yet or caused to click the little X in the top-left corner of the screen, or used the ever-popular (at least on my pages) Back button� I few observations.
News is quite different in England, as it is in the rest of the world when compared to the US. Media in general is. It really gives one pause for thought and reflection. For example�
The papers in Britain have a decidedly pronounced �flavor� to them. I suppose the same holds true in America, but it�s much less pronounced and therefore (in my opinion) more tolerable. Each paper has it�s sympathies lying in a different area (pro-Great Britain vs pro-everyone else, pro-ruling party vs pro-everyone else� you get the idea) and the news articles are quite slanted in a very decided direction.
The papers in Britain are also full of (with the exception being the Financial Times) gossip. Now, they don�t try to claim this is news� but really! The headline for today�s Times is: Why Harry Potter�s first kiss required 24 takes (referring to an upcoming movie).
See what I�m getting at?
Omg� I�ve been rambling. I�ll blame it on the reduced air pressure coupled with the merlot. Think it�s time to take a nap :)
And time passes while maintaining a cruising altitude of 42000 feet or so�
I hadn�t really intended to write more in this past that I was taking a nap. The �plan� was to snooze away the next 6 hours of the flight, which would have me awake for the last 15 minutes or so when they tell you to return to the upright and locked position (wonder what our forbearers of 100 years ago would have made of that phrase�) and it would all be mercifully over.
If only I hadn�t used the word �plan� when thinking all this through. Because, as everyone damn well knows, plans are MADE to be broken.
This time, it was my row-mate who, while we had a full 6 inches of space between us, managed to have a full (!) glass of white wine sitting on his armrest, and in his sleep (!) knock it over. The preceding exclamation points are to ask him� why on EARTH are you ordering wine (or any drink, for that matter) and then simply ignoring it? Don�t you have ANY concept of the laws of nature� one of those laws being that if ANY drink is left unattended for a specified amount of time (this amount of time being determined by the Chaos Theory� which, of course, requires the understanding of String Theory� both of which I can spell, neither of which I know anything about) will� not may, but WILL spill on an airplane. I fly a lot. I know this specific law of nature to be true, and unwavering. This guy, while initially talking to him, tried to give me the impression that he was a very seasoned traveler by saying something to the effect of �oh yeah, I fly 1st class all the time� coach� oh, THOSE people back there��. Well, Mr I-fly-a-lot-with-my-head-up-my-ass-so-my-ears-don�t-pop-as-much, let me REMIND you of something� that something being the aforementioned law of nature.
Can you tell I�m a bit pissed? I am wearing jeans, and the wine is white� so except for smelling like a strolling wino in search for this next bottle of Muskatel, no major harm.
I did make sure everyone KNEW why I suddenly jumped straight into the air from a dead sleep by taking the mountain of paper towels the attendant brought me and standing in the aisle while grabbing my ass and upper thigh with the towels, dutifully examining each one to measure the amount of dampness it contained before dropping into the seat. As a side note� the girl setting just behind me and across the aisle had been smiling at me earlier. After her getting an eyeful as I stood practically in her lap while I grabbed my ass and thigh with said paper towels� I�m fairly sure she�ll slip me a note asking if she can have my baby before we part ways in Philly.
Well, it COULD happen�
On the bright side� they asked if I wanted a new seat, or just a piece of plastic under me. Well duh!!! I wanted a new seat! For one, everyone would see me move, and my row-mate with the unwieldy long name would squirm a bit (and he did, thank you very much� I�m not usually mean, nor vindictive� but this guy needed to be taught a lesson� he didn�t even get out of the prone position this whole time, and never really offered an apology� just something mumbled about how it had been sitting there for hours, like it was the glass of wine�s fault or something). And� get moved I did. To row 1. Where the seats recline ALL the way back� into flying beds. Can you say S C O R E ?
So� while I only have 3 hours left on the flight, I intend on taking the most advantage as I can from this little incident and test out my new flying bed. This just goes to prove a point that I tell many, many people� there is almost always a silver lining to any situation. Sweet dreams everyone!
t85225 at 9:59 p.m.
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