2006-09-22
Learning new skills
Rambling non-linear thoughts, questions, observations, pronouncements� and other assorted sludge. If you see yourself in here anywhere, just remember that no one else does, and you�re here because I love you :) And now that we have that out of the way� on with the show!
I�ve announced to the world� more than once, and in multiple venues, that I�m �not- seeking a relationship. I�ve announced, and of course told myself, that I�ve made a conscious decision to �not- be in a relationship at the moment. Yet� I carry on this charade of �seeking friendships�� and each effort I make is toward the opposite sex. Who am I kidding? Well, apparently me� I�m so damn gullible at times.
I�m sitting in a small-ish town in central AZ, an easy 90 minute drive north from where I live in Phoenix (Mesa actually � Phoenix metro area � so shoot me if I generalize!). I was told that it was a beautiful drive, and it was� mountain passes the whole way. But, I was also under the impression that it was trees the entire drive. After all, the whole drive IS within the Tonto National Forest. But alas� it was not to be. Lots and lots of saguaro cacti and acres upon acres (square miles is more like it) of high desert brush.
However, almost the moment I entered the town I was headed for, that changed. This town reminds me of the little towns that dot the Colorado countryside in it�s mountain region. It�s a small place, at about 5000 ft altitude. The air is clean, the sun bright but not strong. I wonder if it ever really gets hot here? I was warned� bring a jacket, as it gets chilly once the sun goes down.
So, why am I here (and who warned me?). Why� to meet a �friend� I�ve met via CollarMe.com (see gullibility, above). We�re going to do dinner here in a bit� I�ve arrived early and she�s still working. Since I couldn�t find a coffee shop (I�m assured they are here), I�m now sitting at a Dennys, writing away at the counter. That�s right� I�m in a town without a Starbucks� wasn�t sure they really existed :p
So, I�m pretty sure this dinner will cement a good friendship. We�ve talked on the phone quite a bit, and I love her banter. She�s cute (always a plus!), tall, a body that is height / weight proportionate� and likes her guys to have hair � with a pony tail being a plus. Sigh� Oh, well, at least it�s another friend in the lifestyle.
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I wrote the above as I was waiting for my dinner date to get off work, as I had arrived early. I have to admit, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. She�s attractive, smart (a PhD!... she starts talking shop and I struggle at times :p ), witty. She let me know that she�s interested� and I found myself being a bit too cautious. Why? I dunno. Yet, I do know. She is, by her own admission, a �bedroom� submissive. I think it�s worth exploring�. Maybe my unique charm (ahem!) can coax that submission out into the rest of the world? Actually, what I�ve already broached with her, and need to continue with, is the question� are you a sub, or a bottom? If she�s a bottom� that�s not the type of relationship I�m looking for. I know I wouldn�t be fulfilled.
Back to my original observation� am I looking for a relationship, or not? Well, last night�s drive home gave me quite a bit to think about. And what I�ve decided is� somewhere, there is someone out there that when I meet her and get to know her, the question will be answered no matter if I want it to or now. It will feel �right�, and I�ll be compelled to follow that. Until then, I just need to �date�.
It�s been ages since I�ve dated (like� 30 years???), as most of my adult life spent has been spent in committed relationships, and scant many of those (but that�s good, isn�t it?). My first love lasted 3 years, and ended with her coming way too close to successfully planting a steak knife into my chest (my last face-to-face with the evils of addiction), my next lasted 7 years and my last one went 17 years. I have to figure out a whole new way (to me) of showing affection, without diving head-first into commitment. Up until now, those have been pretty synonymous with me.
On a bright note� I�ve met a delightful submissive here in Phoenix from 360-Land, and we�ve actually met a few times. No budding relationship there, but omg, she�s a hoot to hang out with :). It�s nice to be developing �friends� again. We�re doing dinner tonight, and since I�m taking her to a restaurant where she doesn�t have much experience in that type of food� I�m going to order for her. Hehehe� gotta get my Domly fix somehow :p
t85225 at 12:41 p.m.
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