2006-09-17
Is that really 'me' in the mirror???
On my Yahell 360 page, I blogged about first posting an ad on CollarMe.com (a dating site that caters to the BDSM and D/s lifestyles) and more recently, about changing my ad.
My intention in posting the ad was, I thought, pretty straight forward. I wanted to expand my circle of lifestyle friends here in the Phoenix area. Traveling as I do, I don�t get the interaction with co-workers, nor the gradual acquaintances formed with neighbors, that allows me to meet others and eventually form bonds of friendship. Nor am I able to attend social functions sponsored by local lifestyle-oriented groups (or any groups, for that matter). In short� traveling causes havoc on the process of developing friendships.
So� online is my alternative� and it works pretty well. There are friendships I�ve developed online that I would not trade for all the tea in China (nor all the floggers in your local Kinks�R�Us superstore). And I�m not talking acquaintances here� those are plentiful online� but I�m talking what I consider real friendships. We know of each other�s troubles, successes, aspirations and fears. We care about one another.
But� being online, these friends are scattered. All over! Not only are they not all in the Phoenix area, nor Arizona� nor even all in the USA� they aren�t even all in the North American continent. Which makes �face-to-face� time a bit problematic.
And while I hold my friends close to my heart, and as I said wouldn�t trade them away for anything� we all need that �face-to-face� time with friends. It�s basic human nature to want� crave� need that human interaction. And, in order to meet this need, I decided to make a concerted effort to meet people locally.
So what�s the problem? Well� it�s on two levels.
First, I was SOMEHOW under the naive assumption that since CollarMe.com was a quote-unquote �real� dating site, where people expected to meet the person at the other end of the nether they were communicating through, they would somehow be more �real�. LOL� I�m such a little boy at times! Even though numerous people told me �Tony� you are going to be disappointed� (sapph� I once again give you a chance to gloat about your attempt to impart your wisdom to a stubborn Dom who just wouldn�t listen), I proceeded. Chalk one up to, as another friend pointed out� �people are the same everywhere�. Yup� they are!
The second problem was internal. While I specifically pointed out that I was just looking for friends, I also went on to describe what my philosophy was concerning D/s� how I was �different� from many others, etc. In short, I was writing a �Dom seeking�� ad. Subconsciously (or was it? lol, a post for another time), I was reverting to old habits� seeking a relationship, when at this point in my life I�m probably best served my having a relationship with myself (and once I get that one right, then others).
So, I re-wrote it. But the whole little experience was a positive. I�ve learned to see reality a bit more, but without the cynicism that I had been using of late (and I hated that). People are� they just are. And as much as I may not like they way people are (in general� thank god for the exceptions!), it�s something I�m going to have to simply accept and learn to work with them, around them, or without them. There is no way I�m going to change them (hehehe� even though the Dom is me screams FIX THEM! Get my white horse and mount up!).
I�ve also learned to see myself a bit better (actually, not see but acknowledge� I�ve always seen it, just ignored it because I didn�t like what I was seeing). And that�s always a good thing.
t85225 at 7:06 p.m.
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