2006-02-21
A loss leads to a gain...
Sometimes, I get confused and truly am not sure which way to turn or what to feel. Other times� I know very well what direction / action / feeling is appropriate. I just don�t like what it requires of me.
Last night, I had one of those epiphany-moments that is both enlightening and gut-churning. I suddenly realized that I was fooling (lying?) to myself about any romantic future I might have envisioned with joey.
There is none.
It�s easy to say that I love her, as I truly do. But, as I�ve already admitted to myself before, love in and of itself isn�t enough. For me to be content, fulfilled, whatever you want to call that place where you end up in a relationship and you know that it�s right and complete� for me to be at that place, I need submission from my partner.
And joey isn�t. At times she�s sexually submissive, but certainly not a �life� submissive. And, as everyone knows, wishing something was one way or the other doesn�t make it happen. She doesn�t have the passion of submissiveness burning in her soul. That isn�t right or wrong� it just is.
I started to write about the call that we had when this topic was discussed. But, some things are meant to be private, so deleted it and instead will only write about the outcome.
We love each other dearly� and will continue to support each other in our efforts to find what in life makes us happy and fulfilled.
In the end, we both have more than we started with� we now both have deep and abiding friendships that are just so hard to find.
t85225 at 8:14 p.m.
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