2006-02-17
It's a Dom's World... part 1
This started as an entry in my Yahell 360 blog. In moving it over to here, I�ve re-written small portions of it for clarity.
I�m a member of a few email groups with active discussions, and have visited My share of web sites devoted to the D/s lifestyle. And I�ve noticed something� while there are plenty of discussions about submissiveness (what a submissive is, what is felt, and why), there isn�t so much about Domination. Why is that?
I suppose the easiest answer is that most Dominants are male, and as a whole, males tend to not express their thoughts and feelings as much as females do? A generalization, to be sure, but accurate I think. And I think this plays into it.
But I can�t help but think that there is more. Perhaps domination is harder to describe? Or that the old adage �knowledge is power� applies, and Dominants are leery of sharing the knowledge and therefore provide an avenue for power to be lost?
I don�t know if either reason applies, both, or something altogether different. But I�m sure that it�s more than just a �guy� thing, and Me being Me, I�ve decided to try and help alleviate the absence of writings concerning Domination (in My own way, of course :p ).
My first thought was to provide a thoughtful and concise definition of Domination. But as soon as I went to put words onto paper (so to speak), it hit Me like a ton of bricks� there are different forms of dominance, so which do I want to write about? There are times I feel dominant when I interact with Oothers in general. I feel dominant when in a D/s relationship. I feel dominant when I control a business situation and I feel dominant when I am acting in a leadership or mentoring role for Oothers.
So� not only is that impossible to provide a concise definition (its going to be a long, rambling affair� anything but concise), but even when considering just one aspect of domination, it�s not set in stone for Me (and it�s important to realize that I�m only speaking for Myself in these writing � Yyour mileage may vary). I think My Dominance changes as My moods change, as the situation changes, as the people I�m interacting change. Or� does it change?
To get started� and because I�m a relationship slut anyway (yeah� I wake up thinking about relationships, I go to sleep thinking about relationships), that�s what I�m going to work with first. What is dominance, within a D/s relationship? For Me, it�s:
- Sexual control
- Control over major and sometimes minor life events
- Ownership of her heart, mind and soul
- Recipient of service, love and adoration
- Being life teacher and mentor
- And last but not least� Taking responsibility for another
When I first wrote the list above, almost every line was proceeded with the phrase �to varying degrees�. I�ve removed them for clarity and readability, but know that as everything in life, it�s all a matter of degrees, and nothing is black and white.
A note on this writing, which given the new forum for it�s posting, may be relevant. The above was written for a specific audience in mind, namely, Tthose already in the D/s lifestyle. As such, the list above isn�t a mystery to Tthem� it�s adopted by Many in one form or another. If the whole concept sends your head into a spin, let Me know and I�ll try to at least slow the spinning down.
I�ll address each part of what Dominance is to Me individually, and more than likely in their own posts (told you this was going to be anything but concise). I�ll start here with Sexual Control, which is what comes to mind first. It�s first not because it�s the most important, nor the most prevalent (in terms of time spent within a relationship), but because it�s probably the most consistent and easiest to define.
For Me, sexual dominance is always there, whenever sex is (no matter if its subtle innuendo or up-against-the-wall grinding). I define sex into two categories, as I�m sure most do: vanilla lovemaking and BDSM-laden scenes.
The scenes are the easy part� from start to finish, there is total control. I decide what will happen, when how� including orgasm. The vanilla lovemaking has a lot of the same control, but is much more subtle. For one thing, restraints such as rope and cuff are not being used, so the control doesn�t necessarily have that physical component (but it might� a arm pinned down, hair being pulled� Yyou get the idea). The control within vanilla lovemaking is more subtle direction and guidance as to what to do, when, what positions to used, how long to take, etc. I still decide when orgasm will occur through My actions and subtle physical control over her actions. As always, the Dom/sub or Master/slave dynamic is at work, and that also comes to bear within the context of vanilla lovemaking.
Smiles� at this point, I was going to describe how, depending on My mood, Dominance changes. But does it? As an example, I was going to point out that there are times when I wish to completely restrict her orgasm, and other times I don�t even require permission, depending on My mood. And while those are certainly different moods for Me, now that I think about it, it�s the same level of Domination. I�ve still made the determination which of those two extremes will come into play. While My mood did change, My domination didn�t. So� chalk one up for My domination NOT changing based on the person or situation.
Stay tuned for the next installment of �It�s a Dom�s World�� :p
In the original forum, I never did get around to discussing the remaining portions of Dominance in any depth. I hope to do that here� eventually.
t85225 at 8:01 p.m.
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