2005-12-09
Making a positive out of what is decidedly not a positive situation...
Sitting on a plane� what a perfect time to write. Its not like I�ve got any other distractions.
Was thinking about trying to somehow make a positive out of My new situation. The only really positive thing I can come up with is to look at it as a growth opportunity. Wwe should all strive for personal growth in all aspects of life, daily. But, there are certain times when life events present Uus with � well, lets call them �unique� opportunities, to put a positive spin on them. These opportunities, I believe, provide a chance for more profound growth because of the sharpness of the emotions involved. Actually, its hard to verbalize why I feel that way, but I have this gut feeling that there�s a fundamental truth behind it.
How to turn a period of loss (in My case, loss of a very deep, at least for Me, relationship) into an opportunity for personal growth? Well� I don�t quite have all that figured out yet� give me a few more years for the complete solution. :p But, I have thought this part through�
I�ve seen plenty of people describe Tthemselves in this same situation as feeling lost and / or drifting.
The lost feeling is, I think, relating to the fact that Tthey no longer have a single person in which to share the deep intimacy that normally accompanies a relationship. As humans, Wwe all desire, even need intimacy. The sudden loss of that intimacy can really be overwhelming.
The drifting feeling is, I think, relating to the fact that Tthey no longer see themselves as having an anchor point, or place to focus Ttheir dreams, hopes and aspirations. At least in the relationships I�ve been involved with and have been witness to, the couple shares each Oothers visions of what will, and what should happen in life. When Oone is suddenly left alone, without a loving partner to plan and share with, it can, once again, be very overwhelming.
So, what to do? Well� here is what I�ve decided to do and, I hope, turn My situation into a growth opportunity. I�m going to refocus Myself and My efforts, which I would have normally focused on My loved one� on Myself.
I�m going to become intimate with Myself again. I�m going to have long talks, asking probing questions and really listening to the answers. I won�t be afraid to ask Myself the hard questions, nor to provide the uncomfortable answers.
I�m also going to start developing an anchor for Myself� roots if you will. I�m going to work on even better self control that I had (as it obviously wasn�t good enough), and use that as a form of bedrock to build on. I won�t be drifting, as I�ll be building a solid foundation that will hold Me in place as I learn and grow. I hope this leads to more solid, healthier relationships with Myself and with Oothers in the future.
I also realize that I need time to do all this. Looking back, its rather embarrassing� I was actively searching for a relationship. I so craved the intimacy, the relationship itself, that I let that desire overshadow the good sense that I had developed over the years of life experiences. I don�t want that to happen again� so I�m going to actively resist any draw of a new relationship, at least for awhile. I need to get back and know Me before I know anyone else.
Wow� I thought I�d write a line or two.. turned into a page or two. Think its time I stop.. I don�t even have the energy at the moment to edit. LOL, I don�t even know if I�ve managed to create coherent or even linear thoughts.
t85225 at 11:42 p.m.
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