2006-10-22
Ahhh.... civilization :)
I wasn�t planning on documenting my travel this week to England� but an auspicious start has kind of prompted me to do so. So�. Here goes�
The flight from Phoenix to Charlotte, which was to be my only stop before Gatwick Airport in London (do you see where this is likely to be heading?) was uneventful� except for the fact that I wasn�t upgraded from coach. Now, I know there are those that are shaking their head� poor T, riding in coach. But, I spend a LOT of money on this airline, and have the miles to prove it. I�ve grown accustom to being upgraded, and believe me, with a 6�3� frame to cram into those dinky seats (not to mention the severe lack of natural ass padding� you think those seats are well padded? Try a 4 hour flight in my jeans� you�ll think differently), it�s sheer torture to ride in coach. Oh sure, get a bulkhead� I hear everyone say that. You know how many people are trying to do the same?
Why wasn�t I upgraded? Because part of my itinerary is international, and they don�t automatically upgrade international flights� and they therefore afford that same courtesy (!!!) to the complete itinerary. What nice people at US Air to go out of their way for me like that� (I hope the sarcasm is dripping at your end as much as it is here� hell, the keyboard is getting wet).
Before anyone sends me ass padding (thanks, but no thanks� I could obtain my own, but I really don�t eat all that many sweets� or drink all that many beers), I did manage to get a bulkhead / exit row seat on that flight, so wasn�t TOO awful.
I had an hour layover in Charlotte, which turned out to be the highlight of the trip so far (now I know you�re getting the drift� seeing where this is heading� Charlotte airport has to be the only decent-sized airport left in the world without any type of Wi-Fi service� hell, even this train station in London has it! and Charlotte was the highlight... sigh). I say it was the highlight as I managed to catch someone on the phone that I didn�t think I would have a chance to speak with before I left� that was nice. But from there� my travels turned into an adventure.
Now, before I start describing what transpired� understand that I�m all for adventures. I just like them to be� fun!
About an hour and a half into the 9 hour flight from Charlotte to London, we hear the dreaded �is there a medical Dr onboard this flight? Please ring your call button to identify yourself� over the PA system. Ohoh� A doctor is finally located, and she goes up to visit with the 1st class passenger that was having some sort of emergency. And then goes back to get her bag, and returns to the passenger-turned-patient. We are all wondering� until we hear the announcement that we all dread� we are diverting to Philly.
Now, I�ve been on the receiving end of an in-flight medical emergency� but I was too stupid and pig-headed at the time to say anything about it. Yup� on a flight from San Diego to Chicago Midway, I had a lung collapse. And no, it wasn�t as a result of a stewardess fending off an unwanted amorous advance from me (lets face it� they are always welcome� really!... just ask anyone who�s been graced with one! Well.. except that one time� oh, and that other� but I digress). My left lung just up and decided it was tired of being inflated� apparently that�s hard work� and said �I�m going to just deflate and sit here awhile� T, you go about your business and try to make do without me�. So, having learned to listen to what my body tells me� I did just that. Sat there and did my best to do without it�s presence. That lasted� until I landed, then all hell broke loose.
So, I�m concerned for this person� heart attack? A fellow �lets see if a collapsed lung hurts� club member? No�. a fucking migraine.
That�s right� a migraine caused tons of fuel to be jettisoned over the Atlantic (poor fishies!) and everyone on board to see Philly in a way most of us would rather not see Philly� from the window looking out� only.
I know migraines can be debilitating� I know they hurt like hell. But really� do you need to get off a plane because you have one? This person was in First Class�. For gods sake, they are GIVEN good headphones (quiet) and blindfolds (no light). Drink heavily, fall to sleep in a drunken stupor and get to where you�re going!
The person is taken off the flight in a wheelchair (if she had walked off� there would have been a mutiny on board for sure!). And then were told�
�Maintenance crews will be boarding to take a look at a problem that�s developed in the rear of the aircraft. While the rest of the plane is comfortable, the rear has the heaters going full blast and it�s a sauna back there. They estimate it will take 45 minutes to an hour to fix. And� because we don�t want to have to perform a security check of the aircraft, everyone will need to stay on board. Oh, and since the maintenance crew can�t get by if your standing in the aisle, please remain in your seat�.
WTF??? You tell us that we�re going to sit, on the ground, without benefit of leaving the aircraft because you don�t want the inconvenience of doing a security check� then tell us that we can�t get out of our seats??? I was so proud of everyone on that plane� as soon as that was said� everyone stood up :p My kind of travel companions, I tell you!
So, we sit (or rather, stand) and wait. Maintenance crews come and go. New ice is brought on board. And we wait� The maintenance crews are only on for 10, 15 minutes? It�s still a sauna in the back, and someone comments that we�ll just have to turn down the AC in the front and wear jackets� while the passengers in the back will have to remove their clothing. I look at the person (a �from-the-back-of-the-plane passenger) and comment �looking at who�s back there� I think we in the front will be coming out way head�. And there started the Battle of Flight 1493 (well, a skirmish really, not an actual war� and I�m sure the historians will accurately point out that it was bloodless, if not senseless with no clear winner decided).
A full hour and a half (and at least 45 minutes since the last of the maintenance crew has left), we finally hear something from the cockpit� �dispatch is trying to determine if this flight will continue or not�. Oh, great�
At long last, and after a sudden flurry of activity by the flight attendants, we take off. In another 6 and a half hours, we�ll be in London. And sure enough� we are.
Now, I�m supposed to meet my partner in crime for the week at a train station in London. He�s scheduled to land at Heathrow about 2 hours before I am� but that was before the beginnings of the adventure. Now� I have no fucking idea when I�m landing (at this point, basic math skills were long lost). It turns out that instead of landing at 8:30 AM local time, I�ve landed at 10:30 AM local time. So� not so bad� he�s probably still waiting at the train station, I�ll just whip out my phone and call.
A full week before I left, I had �international roaming� added to my long list of features that I pay dearly for but seldom use. I�ve got this fancy-dancy quad-band phone� good anywhere in the world, short of maybe Antarctica and some parts of Iowa. I whip that puppy out� and no service. I adjust settings, I plead, I cajole� the damn thing just refuses to pick up a signal. So� I�m forced to jump on a train from Gatwick to Victoria Station and hope for the best.
At Victoria Station, I change from an express train to the Tube (the Underground system� subway in Yankee parlance), and take a short ride to Euston station, where I�m to meet my partner and catch my next train. I arrive, search the terminal� and can�t find him (but did find a Starbucks kiosk outside� ain�t civilization grand? No matter that the damn Venti coffee cost me �1.79� not exactly sure HOW much that is, but pretty sure it�s well under fifty dollars). I break down, and call his cell phone (same carrier as I have� and his works� go figure) by sticking my American Excuse card into a slot on the pay phone (now doncha just know that 4 minute call cost me at least $20) to find� he�s already on the train, heading north. No biggie� I now know the name of the stop, and the name of the hotel.
I�ve written the majority of this while riding the train heading north� it�s a two and a half hour ride. Pretty comfortable� I�ve got a table for my laptop, it�s running on time (in fact� we just pulled into Coventry, after sitting 500 feet outside the station� because we were 12 minutes early). Its been raining the whole time I�ve been in country, and from appearances will only stop once the requisite 40 days have passed. Or maybe there isn�t a 40 day limit here�
If something else happens to once again turn my trip down the �adventure� path before I get to the hotel, I�ll be sure to update this before I post. Otherwise� just imagine that I�ve immediately found a small, neighborhood pub to slink into and call home for the next 4 nights.
Cheers!
t85225 at 10:47 a.m.
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