2006-10-05
Weighing MUCH less :)
I�ve been about as busy as I can be. Work is taking a lot of my time, as it will between now and the end of the year. Some weeks will be lighter than others, but the schedule itself is fairly brutal. Quite a few 2-week and even a 3-week trip, are in the near future.
But, after today� no matter what work throws my way, it will be so much easier to accept. Today I signed (and had notarized� and faxed�) my final Divorce Decree.
Now some would lament this fact. And the fact that a 17 year marriage is about to �officially� over (it�s been over for years, but that�s a whole different story) can be looked on as either a tragedy or a sign of the times. I view it in a very personal light� it is what it is.
I�ve been separated for a year and a half, and the actual divorce proceeding on its slow march to finality for almost a full year. It�s been a long time in coming down to this point. And that, in and of itself, had been one of the major stresses in my life. There wasn�t a day that passed that I didn�t think of it. Dread it, is probably more precise. But dread it like you dread the first drop of a roller coaster�
I started with a lawyer, even though this is a no-fault state for divorces and my son is old enough to decide for himself how much he wants to be with me. My job precludes my ability to share physical custody, and even if it didn�t, she wouldn�t fight that. No, I had a lawyer because there was the division of assets to fret over. And� alimony.
It was the alimony that got me. She filed, and when she presented the initial papers to me, notifying me that the separation was legal and that I was the respondent, she also laid out her demands. My jaw hit the table at the Starbucks we were sitting at. She requested a huge monthly sum for alimony� and for life (or� until she remarried or died).
Oh, her lawyer was quite boastful about how it was practically a sure thing. My lawyer was worried. Her suggestion� call in this lawyer to consult on the issue of military retirement, call in this other something-or-other to consult on the issue of life long alimony, etc, etc. Then, one day, she commented to me in an off-hand way� �It�s too bad all the assets you both had accumulated are going to go toward paying legal fees.
The next day, I fired her� and decided to represent myself. Hell, I did the same thing in Family Court where California was trying to impose draconian-level child support amounts against me, while my kids and their mom lived in one of the cheapest areas of the nation. The levels were fine if the kids were living in Beverly Hills� not if you were living on the outskirts of Wichita, KS. Anyway, to make that portion of this long story short, I was pulled to the side after the last hearing was over by the County of San Diego District Attorney where he asked if I had prior experience in the legal field and congratulated me (smiles� I�m not sure why he was present at the table of family-law-public-defender types� even the judge comment on that).
So, with that ever-so-due-to-luck win under my belt� I figured the worst I could do was save the cost of all these lawyers.
But then� as time dragged on, and papers were exchanged� I got worried. And more worried. And then� a few weeks ago, I did the court appearance thing again. We had a �Reconciliation� hearing, where they review the submission of documents so far (and if one side hasn�t complied, a default judgment can be rendered) and follow up with a brief urging of a settlement.
My ex�s lawyer presented her case, I presented mine. Then� the judge proceeded to state that if he were hearing the final trial case (which he wasn�t�), he�d have a hard time buying into a lot of what she was presenting. He then made reference to being reasonable� ala Mr P (that�s me). My eyes went wide� and I tried to put on my best poker face (but smiled nonetheless� couldn�t help it).
Immediately after the hearing was over, with the court date finally set, her lawyer asked if I wanted to sit and discuss a settlement again. What did I have to lose� sure.
We talked� she threatened (I swear she did! It was almost comical. �You don�t want to decide??? Sure, take your time and consider it, but the offer may not be on the table when you return!�� this after I asked for 20 minutes alone to consider a brand-spanking new offer).
And now, I see the fruit of my sweating it out. Alimony is for an amount that is probably larger than I might have to pay if I went before a judge (its total is over 6 figures� I now have a line of people wanting to be my next ex� and it forms to the left), and will certainly keep me from buying a new car anytime in the near future� but it�s something I can live with, and isn�t forever. There is light, and life, at the end of the tunnel. And damn if it doesn�t feel good to have this weight off my shoulders!
t85225 at 1:01 p.m.
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