2006-04-23
Yeah, I said it... this sucks!
A blank page� in a way, a metaphor for my feelings at the moment. I�m rather lost as to what to think, what to feel. In a strange sort of way, it�s better... better than what I�ve been feeling the last handful of hours, anyway.
A change in life always initiates reflection. This change is no different, but is much harder to get the quality of analysis I need. While changes don�t happen in my life all that often, when they do I�m used to being able to step back and take a hard look at what lead me to the change, and where it�s likely to lead to. This time� huh, maybe it�s still too early. Time has a way of softening the edges, making it easier. Unfortunately, it also has a way of dulling the memories, allowing the really hard-edged ones to soften a bit. While good for moving on, it�s detrimental when trying to figure out what the hell happened and how to make things different the next time.
I know that there will� eventually� be a next time. Hell, I�m still fantasizing about THIS time somehow continuing� got it bad, don�t I?
It�s not too often that I try to keep from thinking about what�s going on around me. I tend to analyze and analyze� it�s like a hobby. However, I now find myself doing anything to keep from thinking. I start to think, then I start to wonder, then I start checking email, look at my phone again (even though I know it hasn�t gone off�)
I usually am upbeat� I try not to dwell on things I cannot change, and focus my energy on things I can� or better still, on things that I accept without change. But sometimes� you just have to shout� this sucks!
I feel better now� (not really, but it�s a nice thought)
t85225 at 12:18 p.m.
|