2006-04-06
A reply to Carol...
Well, that�s certainly one way to get me to post� call me a player.
This entry specifically addresses comments made on my previous entry by Carol. Carol states to be the mother (I have no reason to not believe her) of the one I had been speaking with for the past few months, and broke it of with a few weeks ago. If you haven�t read them first, this is likely to be quite confusing.
Carol� while we were together, your daughter asked that I not write about her in this journal. While I was quite taken aback by that request, I agreed to keep any mention to a minimum, and to not mention her by name, or identify her, in my writings. And I complied�. Read back through my entries and see.
She mentioned every other aspect of her life in her own blog, so she isn�t a �private� person� but never a word about �us�. In fact, read through her blog. More than once, there are statements made that anyone would interpret as �I wish someone would come along that I could call Master�. To me (perhaps I see it in a skewed view), it sounds as if she had no one at all in her life.
After our breakup, she let me know that she was damn glad she had insisted that I not mention her here. And I had no intention of continuing to write about her. And had you simply expressed your concerns privately to me� asked me directly what my views were, or even asked me where I get off on breaking up with your daughter� I would have responded in private. However� you did not, so I will respond in kind.
Above, I�m not implying that her desire to keep our relationship a secret from anyone she may know was necessarily wrong (but omg, doesn�t that raise red flags in the online community� you have no idea how many times I was asked if I thought she had someone else on the side). After all� we were simply �dating� (albeit electronically� even though I offered to fly out to see her on numerous occasions� she always refused). However� no matter if I�m dating electronically or in real life� I don�t want to be �hidden�. I�m not young, I�m not �pretty�� but I�m not an embarrassment, either. So� there is one area where we didn�t match up well. I prefer a �public� relationship� one I can share with my friends, etc. She prefers secrecy.
Do you realize that your daughter is one of only 17 people in the whole United States that is over 13 and gets a full 8 hours of sleep each night? Now, I know that statement is rather glib� but damn, couldn�t she have given up a half hour per night and spoken to me on the phone? You have no idea how many nights we didn�t speak at all. At some magic point between 9 and 9:30 PM each night, the phone was shut off. Prior to that� American Idol was on, and she had to watch it with her daughter. If I got her on the phone before that, then she had to leave to lay with her daughter until her daughter fell asleep (and then, of course, fell asleep herself).
I�m not trying to say that I had to speak with her constantly (but damn often would have pleased me greatly� and yes, she knew). And I don�t want to say that we never spoke� there was an occasion or two in the few months we knew each other that we spoke for 2-3 hours at a time (those times could be counted on one hand� with a few digits left over). But� when I like someone and am trying to develop a relationship with them, I want� no, need� more than 10-15 minutes per day, every other day, in communication with them. That level of communication is fine for acquaintances� and apparently for your daughter� but it�s not what I want or need. Another difference. Oh� and yes, I know she has a busy life. So do I. We all know that you make time for what�s important.
Carol, your daughter fell in love with me... and I didn�t fall in love with her. That, I think, is the crux of the issue here. I hurt her the 1st time she told me that when I didn�t respond in kind� and that moment really sucked (for both of us). I explained that while I liked her� I wasn�t in love with her. Periodically, that point was reiterated. I left no doubt about my desires to see our relationship eventually develop into a long term one� and I don�t apologize for that. That is what I seek� not a casual dating relationship, nor a friends-with-benefits� nor a one-nighter. I was also always honest about my feelings� that I liked her a lot, but was not in love. Another difference� and a biggie.
I agree with you on your statement that you hope for someone that fits your style and that from that point, you hope to grow together. As you can see above, our styles were different. I haven�t even touched upon the moral and philosophical differences, of which there were a few.
I don�t agree with your statement that there isn�t a �one� for everyone. Now, I don�t think that there is a �one and only one� for everyone� but I do believe there are those out there that are a perfect (or near-perfect) fit for us. And I�m sorry Carol, your daughter was not that for me. So, I told her this. I broke up with her. And I�m truly sorry for her hurt.
I asked her this same question that I�ll pose to you now. Would it have been better to not tell her, once I realized that I couldn�t reconcile the differences against what I hold to be the standard that I�ve set for the one I seek? So� call me a player if you must. Call me a lying, rotten dirty bastard if it makes you feel better. But Carol, know this� I liked your daughter, and did my best to develop a relationship with her. It didn�t work, and in the process I discovered why� she doesn�t provide what I want or need in a relationship.
I�m sorry I hurt your daughter. But don�t mistake my attempt to be honest with her as being a player.
t85225 at 11:15 p.m.
|