2006-02-14
Just what the hell is D/s?
You were warned� here is the 1st entry from my other blog that I�m moving over to this site. It�s D/s related, so is fraught with the dreaded �weird capitalization� that some (hiya Chris!) have expressed their unease with. This was 1st posted Dec 13th of last year.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Someone asked Me the other day what I got our of Dominating another. This person isn�t familiar with D/s, and while I don�t know their exact level of knowledge, I got the impression that all they knew were the most basic of terms (D/s, Dominance, submission).
So� just how do you describe D/s, and the roles (Dom, Master� sub and slave) to someone with absolutely no prior knowledge? If it�s a friend or family member, chances are that you�ll not only be trying to describe the lifestyle, but also trying to describe why it draws Yyou (which can be much harder, as emotions and pre-conceived ideas of who Yyou are will come into play).
I do have a way of providing a 1st description of the lifestyle to others, and while its shallow and simplistic, those same drawbacks make it a bit easier to comprehend.
I ask them to think of what they consider a normal relationship (what Wwe call vanilla) and look at how decisions are made and responsibilities assigned within it. When you consider all the different kinds of things that are done within a relationship, the responsibility for all is somehow divided up between the two partners, by agreement. Hopefully, most of the time, the division makes everyone happy and are supportive. However, there are times when both parties might want �control� over a specific aspect, or neither may. To make matters worse� the roles� the decision as to who will be in control of what� is often made on the fly, and even changes from day to day for a single action. When circumstances like these present themselves, someone concedes power, the other makes a decision, and someone isn�t totally happy� they either have or don�t have control that they did or didn�t want. The result? Often the partner who isn�t totally happy won�t honestly express their unhappiness for any number of reasons, but this often leads to resentment building.
While its not a panacea that leads to a no-resentment and blissful relationship all the time, within a D/s relationship, this division of control, the roles if you will, are well defined and for the most part thought out ahead of time. Even when new situations present themselves at the spur of the moment, the same pitfalls of deciding who will and won�t concede control doesn�t occur� it�s the Dom or Master that has it. That isn�t to say that discussion, even negotiation doesn�t take place (I can see Ssome rolling their eyes at this one.. so be it), but in the end, it�s the Dom or Master that makes the final call, and that is something that is desired and expected by both partners. That immediately removes the very situation that was described above that so often leads to resentment within a vanilla relationship.
At this point, I�ll maybe, maybe not mention that control can and usually does extend to the bedroom. It depends on how many questions have been asked (more is good� they are trying to understand) and how tolerant I feel they are.
And that�s it. I wouldn�t dare try to explain much more at first� that�s usually quite a bit for someone to digest. Like I said, it�s a shallow and simplistic explanation, but it seems to be the best way of getting someone to consider that D/s isn�t a bunch of barbarians and victims.
t85225 at 11:55 a.m.
|