2005-12-12
Personal growth... a start, anyway
Well� of all the writing I�ve done so far for this journal, I�ve probably put more pre-writing thought into this one� and have less of a cohesive vision concerning what I�ll write� than with any of the other writings here. Sounds like personal growth to Me!
But that is what I�m writing about� personal growth. My growth. Or more precisely, My thinking about growth. Which, in an odd way, is actually growth itself. To verbalize something it to make it more real. Any �personal trainer� or motivational program worth their weight in salt will incorporate the act of stating goals out loud AND committing them to the written word� because doing so vastly increases the chance of the goal being attained. So� starting to actually think about what growth I need to do, and how, and in what time frame, etc, etc� is growth itself. It gets Me closer to the desired result.
Speaking of which� there�s a hell of a place to start. Just what IS My desired result? LOL� its funny, but prior to yesterday, I had no more than a vague �feeling� about where I wanted to� needed to� end up. It was very clear to Me that I did need to be somewhere other than where I�m at now� but no clear picture of where that place is, much less how to get there. I could see a general direction to travel, at best.
Smiles.. My analytical readers (omg� I�ve started writing to an audience � there�s a whole series of postings in and of itself) will already be hanging on the words above� �prior to yesterday�. Yesterday I had the pleasure of meeting a remarkable person. Remarkable because of her ability to kind of pick Me apart, to pose questions about the why�s of who I am and how I act in relationships, that have kept My wee little mind working overtime. So� don�t go thinking that when I start pontificating about a specific question or subject that I suddenly became knowledgeable about psychology or relationships� they are probably based on discussions I�ve had with My new friend. Not to say that I have completely agreed with all her views, or even the applicability of all the issues she raises / questions she asks, but Ill be damned if a lot of what she says / asks doesn�t resonate.
OK� where do I want / need to be. Do I first define where I�m at? Nah� that will come later, I think, as I�ve already started investigating where I�m at, and will be looking at where I need to go for the first time as I write. So sit down, buckle up, stow and lock your tray tables, and return your seats the full upright position and hang on. I�m very likely going to be going stream of consciousness here, and it could get bumpy.
I need to be� where I can find, develop and nurture a successful relationship. Meaning� a few things:
(I started with the words �I need to learn how to better� but immediately stopped Myself. That was reflecting back on what is at present, and I want this to stand alone�)
-- I need to be able to develop friendships, not just acquaintances. And from these friendships a relationship might eventually develop.
-- I need to be able to identify who is a good partner for Me and who isn�t.
-- When a relationship does develop, I need to explore and allow it to proceed at a natural pace (whatever that relationship�s pace may be).
-- I need to be able to participate within a relationship with My partner in such a way that she feels cherished, protected, and able to grow personally.
This is a pretty short list, and doesn�t say a whole let. I�m sure I�ll be adding to it, refining it, as time progresses. Looking at it, I�d say that I do some of this well now, just starting on others parts, and some I need to think about and then somehow start doing. We�ll see where this goes�
OK� the above was written on a plane, and I just completed 14 hours from hotel room to hotel room. While the flights weren�t all that bad, it was 3 different planes (two were Dash-8s � school buses that have wings and props stuck on them, complete with a bench seat that holds 5 in the rear) and whenever you have THAT many connections, it�s a chore. I�m in Moncton, New Brunswick, Canada � which is about 350-400 miles NE of Boston. Way the hell up and east. Not the easiest place in the world to get to.
I�m beat, and while I had envisioned writing more, it will wait.
t85225 at 9:21 p.m.
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