2005-12-28
But is the wait worth it?
I met and was speaking with a delightful person last night, and after reading part of My journal, she asked if I had found another yet� I answered noooooo, I�m swearing off relationships for awhile, as I�m in the midst of a self-discovery journey. Her response was so sweet�. she wanted to be sure I knew that someday, someone would come along and I�d find love again.
The heartfelt and sincere feelings behind this for My well being couldn�t but make Me smile. And� since I believe this anyway, I also smiled for someone to think that I�d somehow given up hope of ever finding someone� lol, if ever anyone was the eternal optimist, it�s Me.
But then she followed with �I�ve all but given up hope�� Oh, talk about break My heart!
Normally, I would shrug a comment like she made off, knowing that it was simply frustration speaking� but this felt different. She has SO much going for her, and a head on her shoulders (which I�m learning is SO damn rare)� this didn�t appear to be a flippant comment. She, from all appearances (and Yyou know I accept everything at face value, until proven otherwise) is wonderful person� talented in the arts (and makes a living at it, to boot!), beautiful (at least on the inside, where I�ve had the privilege of seeing her), eloquent and soft spoken, young� and she�s contemplating giving up in the most eternal of human quests� to find the Oone to share a life with.
That got Me to thinking (imagine that!). Why are Ssome the eternal optimist when it comes to relationships and love, and Oothers are more pessimistic? Is it that Wwe optimists simply refuse to accept our dose of reality? Or is it that Wwe DO accept reality, knowing that given enough time, Wwe will eventually find the Oone?
To be fair, I�ve only been �officially� alone for 8 months or so. She has been alone for almost 2 years. So it�s possible that I simply haven�t experienced the same level of loneliness that she has, nor the same level of frustration at trying to weed though the bullshit players and decidedly un-like minded potential Oothers. BUT� simply sharing a roof with someone isn�t the same as sharing hopes, dreams and aspirations. In that sense, I�ve been alone for a long, long time (lets say years and leave it at that). Taking that into account, maybe I have experienced much as she has, and am just as qualified to speak to this as anyone.
Now that I�ve talked Myself into being qualified to speak on this issue (isn�t self-affirmation a wonderful tool? You can do ANYTHING with the proper dose of self-affirmation! lol), back to the question at hand� why are Ssome optimistic with matters of the heart when Oothers are not? It�s a tough question to answer, for sure. Kind of gets to the �what is reality� type of philosophical question that those that are much wiser than I have tackled for centuries and failed to provide an answer that always works. So, I won�t try either� I�ll simply answer for Myself.
Maybe I�ve finally found some good to come from My decidedly unhealthy exposure to chaotic and short-lived inter-personal relationships while growing up. I learned something very early� that life, in all its forms, has both its peaks and its valleys. There are times when things are intensely wonderful� and conversely, times when things are overwhelmingly bad. Both states are part of life� and, thankfully, neither lasts. Wwe eventually climb down from the �life is wonderful� phase and settle into a comfortable daily existence. Wwe also eventually climb up from the bowels of the bad times, and enter the world of �it�s OK� life. In short� there is always a peak up ahead to look forward to� it always comes� so why not be optimistic? Wwe don�t know the time table for all this happening� but happen it will. And� I think that the pessimistic out there either have not looked at the effects this cycle of life has on Uus all� or, through frustration, have neglected to take it into account. Either way� My take is that the optimist is the one firmly with Ttheir feet planted in reality.
Smiles� that�s My story and I�m sticking to it! :p
Since I have some free time to write, and I�m in rambling mode�
While the peak of any relationship is fun (the excitement of the �newness�, the intense feelings of love when the Oother enters the room or catches Yyour gaze� Yyou know what I�m talking about), it�s simply not sustainable. Knowing that it isn�t sustainable (and subsequently, being able to manage that loss of excitement) is, I believe, the key to making a relationship work. Smiles� not sure why I decided to put that here, but it spewed out� so there ya have it.
I wonder. If I start making these posts too large, will Ppeople eyes start to glaze over and not really read them? Probably. Oh well.
t85225 at 10:22 a.m.
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