2005-12-07
Getting this journal caught up (man, what a ride!)
OK, its been awhile since I posted anything here� and its way overdue. So much has transpired in My life since My last post�
In brief� I fell in love (was already, prior to My post� was it a premonition that I didn�t write about it?) and was given the boot, today in fact. So� now Yyou know what prompted Me to write again. :p
I�m going to insert some Yahell blog entries I made here, and remove them there. If someone wants to know what I�ve got to say, it just seems more natural to have them at least work a bit at it by making them follow a link. I�ll keep the Yahell blog for strictly Yahell-related stuff.
So� on with a Yahoo PSA (public service announcement):
Entry for November 27, 2005
Hello to whoever reads this. There are lots and lots of changes in My life at present, and since this Blog is here... why not use it? Smiles... years from now, joey and I will be able to look back on this blog and reminisce about the joys and heartaches (really� what worked and what didn�t) that goes along with starting a 24/7 (i.e sharing a home as well as a life) D/s relationship.
First, I want to say a bit about why My life is changing, and comment about the speed of that change (which many here online have hinted at� �it�s so sudden, it�s such a surprise�.
joey has been a part of My life for longer than even she realizes. From the moment I saw her, I was intrigued. Of course, at first if was just her �look�� the dark hair, the gorgeous eyes and perfect lips. Whenever I would see her in D8, I would do My best to direct subtle comments her way, without seeming to be �too� interested. It was quite awhile before we actually spoke one-on-one. By that time, I was more than intrigued� I was smitten.
Once we started conversing on a regular basis, things flowed oh so well. And as I got to know the person hiding under the outward appearance and online persona, I fell in love. Luckily for me, that feeling was returned.
Yes� it all happened very, very quickly. And if I was on the outside, looking in, I would caution whoever I saw in the same circumstance to be wary, to take things slow. But� My heart tells Me otherwise, and I�ve always listed to My heart. Life is too short not to take chances at happiness, and joey DOES make My heart sing with joy. Quick� yes, it has been very quick. And I make no apologies for that, it is what it is. Smiles� I fully expect to be able to look back on this 5, 10 years from now and be able to say �thank g-d I didn�t wait a moment longer�.
OK, I�ve got a gazillion things to say, but if I say them all at once, this will be a full-length book instead of a blog. So, until next time�
Sunday, Nov 27, 2005 - 09:09am (PST)
Entry for November 30, 2005
My little one played a song for Me tonight... and while who performed it is important to her (Conway Twitty), I only mention it because I'm more a Led Zeppelin fan... and still enjoyed it.
But what I really liked about the song was the lyrics. I can't recall them in total, but the refrain went something like "I can tell you are farther than you've ever been before". And that so elequently describes one of the feelings I have with joey... I'm taking her places that she not only has never been before, but at times has never even knew existed.
And it works the other way too... she is bringing out in Me a level of fulfillment that I barely dreamed could be attained.
Thank you My love.
Wednesday, Nov 30, 2005 - 06:39pm (PST) 0 Comments | Permanent Link
Entry for December 07, 2005
joey and I are no longer. she decided what I promised her was just fantasy. Funny thing is, all I did promise was Myself... nothing more. Not one iota more... I made no promises of fame, riches, travel, nothing... All I promised was to provide care, comfort, nurturing... and My heart.
Thought about actually deleting the previous blog entries... but why do that? I think I need the reminder that life is life... and that means there are both highs and lows. Yeah, now is one of the low parts, but ya know what? I'll survive... always have.
This sucks.
I just noticed the date... Pearl Harbor Day. My thoughts and prayers are with those families that sacrificed love ones on that awful day. Makes My issues seem rather mudane....
Wednesday, Dec 7, 2005 - 02:55am (PST) 0 Comments | Permanent Link
Entry for December 07, 2005 part deux
OK, a few moments to reflect, a few phone calls.... and maybe now I can speak coherently.
At this point, its easier (and healthier?) to say what I won't do, rather than what I should have or have not done, or will do in the future:
1 - I won't quit listening to, and following My heart. Life is too short to be totally rational each and every moment. I'm rational throughout each day... with clients, with business decisions, with My friends and family. Sometimes you just need to let go.
2 - I won't be bitter. What good comes of that? Yeah, I'm angry, but I won't allow that to define Me. I've watched Oothers go through the bitterness... it isn't pretty, and I have no desire to emulate that.
3 - I won't stay angry forever. There is no way I can deny being angry at the moment, but I won't allow that to result in unseemly behavior. Life is as it is... and Wwe have no choice but to acknowledge that and deal with it as required. In this case... to move on.
4 - I won't ever, ever allow Myself to move so quickly again. That was just plain dumb. There was no reason why it couldn't have moved slower, except that I was so anxious to 'have' someone again after so many years of not, that I let that cloud My judgement. Sigh... and I thought I had mastered Myself. Goes to show you that mastering Yourself isn't as easy as it sounds, nor is it a permanent thing... it requires constant work.
OK, the one thing I will do... reflect. I think its time I once again return to the point where I'm content just being alone in My life, and interacting with the world as it passes by. Thats not to say that I won't be with Ffriends... maybe its even time to strengthen My friendships... but I do need to stroll down the path of Life for awhile alone and think.
Wednesday, Dec 7, 2005 - 06:00am (PST) 0 Comments | Permanent Link
And that�s that. Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming�.
t85225 at 6:25 p.m.
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