2006-05-13
Screw the way it's "supposed" to work
Before I start, a quick editorial comment. Ya know folks, I put a lot of thought into the titles for these rambling pretentious nothings that fake as meaningful writings. I really do! I even try to tie the title in with the end of whatever I�m writing, kind of a personal style� and when NO ONE has asked a word about my last title� Well, to say I�m devastated is an understatement. I�m pouting� and in a Dominant man, that is NOT a pretty picture! There� I feel better having vented :p
OK, on with the show. No explanation, no setup� I�m just going to spew� on looking for �the one�, finding her, losing her, finding her�
I�ve written about this before, but it bears repeating here. I believe that we all have the vision of the �perfect� person for us, stored in detail within ourselves. Now I know that there are those of you who will argue this point, saying that you have some basic criteria, but no definitive vision of who that perfect someone is. If I had a nickel for every time I�ve had people tell me �I don�t have a �type�� then proceed to describe just what they look for in someone� I could retire tomorrow (well, OK, I probably would have to get a job as a Walmart greeter or something, so let�s change that to �if I had a quarter for every time��). From personal experience, I�m convinced that we all harbor this vision of the perfect one for us.
I also believe that this vision of the perfect someone is rarely, if ever found. I think we use this vision as a guide to measure up potential partners. A few matches between vision and reality� attraction. Lots of matches� bigger attraction. And when the number of matches between the vision and reality is extremely high� poof, love.
A simplistic way of describing attraction and love, to be sure� but hey, I�ve never claimed to be deep :p
So� you go through life, comparing� sifting� and bam! You find one that could have been the model for your vision to begin with. Except� things just don�t seem to work out.
What to do? Continue to try, even though it�s an emotional roller coaster? Walk away, all the while knowing that this vision has been in place for decades and never met with such precision before? Tell me� .when you truly believe that you have found �the one�� after decades of dreaming� years and years of searching� how can you walk away from that?
I found that I couldn�t.
Society teaches us to give up, in all aspects of life. We are taught that if we attempt something and do our best, that�s good enough and we need not dwell on it. Or in other words, we are forgiven if we quit trying to achieve what we have been attempting, and giving something your best shot makes that quitting acceptable.
We are also taught that this also applies to love. Society teaches us that once a certain level of effort is made to make a relationship work, we should guard our heart from further hurt and abandon that relationship� move on� it wasn�t meant to be. Blah, blah, blah�
Thank god I never put much credence in what society has planned for me. Screw society and its idea of how things are supposed to work. Sometimes, you just have to do things your own way.
To make a long story short, I found myself calling little one last weekend, after not speaking to her for days. I was dying, knowing that she was the one I wanted, and felt it inside myself that I was the one she wanted, and we were not together. Screw what everyone said I should do� I was going to call and try again.
And� it worked. We talked� and cried� and shared deepest fears. We met, and shared joys and tears. And now, we are together, as it should have been from the start.
Perhaps one day I�ll relate exactly why we rode the emotional roller coaster that we have these past weeks. For now, all I�ll say about it is that she was scared to her core, and when someone is really, truly scared, the mind makes some strange decisions. I know I�ve never really experienced fear� not like that. But I understand, and accept, and we have managed to get the majority of that fear banished� and have the means for banishing the rest.
And I�m so damn glad I thumbed my nose at what society said I should have done!
t85225 at 1:16 p.m.
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